Random Thoughts for Autumn

Ahhhh...Autumn is finally here with the leaves changing colours faster than the bruise I got on my knee after falling down the stairs.  So as the leaves fall and the cold weather sets in with a blustery breeze and the geese honking overhead, I leave you with these warm, hearty random thoughts to cozy up to and think of the renewal of spring.

...damn, I should be writing Hallmark cards.

• In modern courts, things are no longer on the record.  They're on CD.
• Girls get pinkeye.  Boys get blue-eye.
• Rich fish hire mermaids and merbutlers.
• I've invented a microwave uterus.  Now you have your baby in 6 months instead of 9.
• I'm so embarrassed.  I was mixing my metaphors and I'll be damned if I forgot to add yeast.  Now my metaphors won't rise to the occasion.
• How can you tell when blue cheese has gone bad?
• I don't use a ruler to measure.  I use foot-long hotdogs.  How tall am I?  Almost 6 hotdogs. 
• Have you noticed how your deodorant eventually takes on the shape of your underarm?  I think that's very useful to help a coroner identify the body.
• For all those who can't make a decision:  May the fence you're sitting on have barbed wire at the top.
• So I'm going around in circles spinning my wheels.  I'm probably spinning my wheels because they ARE circles.  If they were squares there'd be none of this spinny-circle business
• I think there should be a law that states whatever button you push in an elevator, you must get off on that floor.
• Evergreens aren't against wearing fur in the winter.