Thursday, October 7, 2010

Random Thoughts for Autumn

Ahhhh...Autumn is finally here with the leaves changing colours faster than the bruise I got on my knee after falling down the stairs.  So as the leaves fall and the cold weather sets in with a blustery breeze and the geese honking overhead, I leave you with these warm, hearty random thoughts to cozy up to and think of the renewal of spring.

...damn, I should be writing Hallmark cards.
  • In modern courts, things are no longer on the record.  They're on CD.
  • Girls get pinkeye.  Boys get blue-eye.
  • Rich fish hire mermaids and merbutlers.
  • I've invented a microwave uterus.  Now you have your baby in 6 months instead of 9.
  • I'm so embarrassed.  I was mixing my metaphors and I'll be damned if I forgot to add yeast.  Now my metaphors won't rise to the occasion.
  • How can you tell when blue cheese has gone bad?
  • I don't use a ruler to measure.  I use foot-long hotdogs.  How tall am I?  Almost 6 hotdogs. 
  • Have you noticed how your deodorant eventually takes on the shape of your underarm?  I think that's very useful to help a coroner identify the body.
  • For all those who can't make a decision:  May the fence you're sitting on have barbed wire at the top.
  • So I'm going around in circles spinning my wheels.  I'm probably spinning my wheels because they ARE circles.  If they were squares there'd be none of this spinny-circle business
  • I think there should be a law that states whatever button you push in an elevator, you must get off on that floor.
  • Evergreens aren't against wearing fur in the winter.

    3 comments:

    Heather said...
    This comment has been removed by the author.
    Heather said...

    Omg. Lmao

    breakmydreams said...

    lmfao... that was GREAT!!! Thanks for sharing all that with us Jeff :)