Thursday, October 7, 2010

Random Thoughts for Autumn

Ahhhh...Autumn is finally here with the leaves changing colours faster than the bruise I got on my knee after falling down the stairs.  So as the leaves fall and the cold weather sets in with a blustery breeze and the geese honking overhead, I leave you with these warm, hearty random thoughts to cozy up to and think of the renewal of spring.

...damn, I should be writing Hallmark cards.
  • In modern courts, things are no longer on the record.  They're on CD.
  • Girls get pinkeye.  Boys get blue-eye.
  • Rich fish hire mermaids and merbutlers.
  • I've invented a microwave uterus.  Now you have your baby in 6 months instead of 9.
  • I'm so embarrassed.  I was mixing my metaphors and I'll be damned if I forgot to add yeast.  Now my metaphors won't rise to the occasion.
  • How can you tell when blue cheese has gone bad?
  • I don't use a ruler to measure.  I use foot-long hotdogs.  How tall am I?  Almost 6 hotdogs. 
  • Have you noticed how your deodorant eventually takes on the shape of your underarm?  I think that's very useful to help a coroner identify the body.
  • For all those who can't make a decision:  May the fence you're sitting on have barbed wire at the top.
  • So I'm going around in circles spinning my wheels.  I'm probably spinning my wheels because they ARE circles.  If they were squares there'd be none of this spinny-circle business
  • I think there should be a law that states whatever button you push in an elevator, you must get off on that floor.
  • Evergreens aren't against wearing fur in the winter.


    Heather said...
    This comment has been removed by the author.
    Heather said...

    Omg. Lmao

    breakmydreams said...

    lmfao... that was GREAT!!! Thanks for sharing all that with us Jeff :)