...continued from part 1...
Batman, Superman, Spiderman and Wonderman have semi-retired from crime-fighting and have moved to a lovely condo complex in Miami. Still wanting to keep busy, but with limited territory, bickering ensues. Luckily, our superheroes are beginning to learn to live with each other -- and besides, Wonderwoman makes a kick-ass bundt cake.
We last left our annoyed, yet well-tanned superheroes dashing off to the see the Mayor at his request.
Wonderwoman and Superman bound into the Mayor's office...
Superman: We're here, Mayor.
Mayor: 'Sup, 'Supe?
Superman [mumbling to himself]: Fuck off. [Louder] As always, standing by for any emergency. We're ready for any troubles that might emerge; any emergency that might befall this great city, this great nation...
Wonderwoman: Holy over dramatics, Batman, I mean Superman. I think you've had one too many of my margaritas.
Superman: Yeah, yeah. Stop complaining so much. You're turning into Spidey more and more everyday. [Looks around] Where is he, anyway? He came with us...
Out in the hallway...
Spiderman: ...so there I was, facing my worst enemy. But I wasn't scared. Sometimes you have to face your fears to grow stronger.
Secretary [looking serious]: That's so profound!
Spiderman: I think you're kinda cool yourself. [Leans in] Listen, I need an assistant to test these new webs I've created and---
Superman: Spidey! Get your ass in here! The Mayor is waiting!
Spiderman jumps into the office.
Spiderman: Mayor McVayer! At your service, sir! [Turns to Superman] Hey 'Supe. Wassup?
Mayor: Welcome, Spiderman. Glad you're all here. I need to talk to each of you. We have a crisis on our hands, and only the four of you can help ussssssshey, there's only three of you! Where's Batman?
Wonderwoman: Oh, he took the bus. He'll be here in a few I'm sure. You know how route 53 is a bitch.
Superman: Mayor. What is this crisis you speak of? We're prepared for anything: Fiendish aliens from outer space; an insane convict running rampant in our fair city....
Mayor: ...slow drivers...
Superman: ...slow driv---sorry?
Mayor: The situation is worsening by the day. Elderly men and women are clogging our streets! They're barely doing 15 mph! I mean come on, this is getting nuts!
Batman runs into the room panting
Spiderman: Out of shape there, Busman -- uh, I mean Batman?
Batman: Don't make me use the Batbat on you!
Mayor: What's a Batbat?
Wonderwoman: Can we stay focused here, people?
Mayor: No, I mean are you stuttering? Do you mean two bats? Or just one? The flying kind? Why would you even bring that up? That's just silly.
Batman: [Sighs] As in a baseball bat! People, do I have to spell out everything?
Wonderwoman: PLEASE! Sorry, Mayor. You were saying...
Mayor: Yes, thank you Wonderwoman. Getting back to the problem at hand, it's horrible. Drivers are taking hours to drive only a few blocks. People walking on the sidewalk are going faster than people in their cars. And the slower they drive, the slower the cars behind them drive. It's an epidemic, I tell you! Something must be done!
Superman [putting his hands on his hips]: We're at your service!
Spiderman: Speak for yourself 'Supe.
Superman: No! We're in this together. All for one and one for all!
Spiderman: Is that what the Three Amigos say?
Wonderwoman: The Three Muskateers, Spiderbreath.
Superman [glares]: We're all in this together. Quickly! Everyone, hands on your hips, like what all superheroes do when they want to feel special.
Everyone puts their hands on their hips.
Superman: No no. Not you, Mayor. When civilians do it, they look stupid.
Mayor [clears throat]: Oh. Yes. Sorry.
Wonderwoman: I'll take my invisible jet and try to get an overhead view of what's happening. Ah shit, I can't. It's getting washed. Bird shit on the windows.
Superman: That's ok. I'll take a look. Wonderwoman, you go to the gated communities and see if they can seal people in for now. No more cars on the streets. Spidey, you go direct some traffic. Try to get those folks turned around and heading home. Batman...
Batman: I'll make use of my Bat-car-speeder-upper and the Bat-car-turner-arounder-to-go-homer. I have them right here in my utility belt...
Superman: Good job! Lets go.
They run out of the office.
Spiderman [stopping]: Sorry, I never caught your name.
Secretary [smiling]: It's--
Superman: Get your ass over here, Spidey!
Spiderman: Gotta go!
Batman [while running]: Hey, anyone have bus fare?
...to be continued...