Your Long Weekend Random Thoughts

Well it's a holiday weekend here in Ontario (for you non-Ontario folks). Monday is Family Day where families get to celebrate and I guess single people have to work. I think that's how it works.

Ahem, in any case, a few bullet points to last you the weekend...

• I'd like to see who commands an army better: Colonel Sanders or General Mills. Who should be more proud? The one that commands an army of chickens or an army of Cheerios?
• I start work at 9 and hope to wake up around noon.
• I hate alphabet soup. I spend so much time spelling words, the soup gets cold.
• Carp Diem: Seize the fish.
• I love weather forecasts. They're so weird. For example, there's the storm watch and the storm warning. What's the difference?

Storm Watch: Look out! There's a storm coming! Maybe! Possibly! Sometime! We're not sure! Any day now! We think!

Storm Warning: Apparently you haven't looked out your window in the past 24 hours, so we're going to tell you about how your roof has blown off.

A couple of thoughts about life:

• Life is what you make of it. I've decided to make it full of cakes.
• When life throws you lemons, see if you can ask for some other citrus fruits to balance things out.
• I enjoy the little things in life, like midgets, smurfs, and rice.
• Live life like it's your second-to-last day to live so you have at least one last day to clean up the mess after.

Abby's Excellent Adventure

Holy shit! No bullet points today. I'm taking the day off from totally random thoughts to focus on one particular thought. Hey, sometimes it happens. Normally I have the focus and concentration of a ferret on espresso beans, but today I'm totally focused. (Hey, I said I'm focused -- not that I wouldn't ramble.)

So the other day, I took Abby, my dog, to Doggy Day Camp. Yes, that's what it's called. I won't get into what company offers Doggy Day Camp, but it's a fairly well-known company.

The premise is you can drop off your dog for the day and they will spend the entire day playing with other dogs. At the end of the day, you pick up your totally exhausted, limp, barely conscious dog to take home with you. Your dog will then spend the next 2 days recovering from all the excitement and exercise.

Abby (see pictures of her in previous posts), is a 13 month-old black lab/border collie cross. To say she has a bit of energy is like saying a nuclear bomb blast generates a bit of heat. She was a perfect fit for this type of activity.

She loves playing with other dogs -- specifically "boxing" with them. That's where a dog uses their front paws to basically slap at another dog. Abby is good at that. I'd like to say she learned this from me, but the only thing she's learned from me is how to sleep for 12 hours and still feel lazy after waking up.

Ultimately, she had a blast. She received a "report card" of sorts saying she played well with others, she pooped and she didn't bite anyone. Being a camp, I was expecting her to come home with some crafts she made, like a dog made from popsicle sticks or a friendship bracelet or something.

She'll be returning next week for another play date. She had a great time and will continue to go once or twice a week. Next week they're building a campfire, watching 101 Dalmations, and singing dog songs like "How much is that doggie in the window"

Today's Randomness

Wow, I've had only a couple updates in the past few days. I've been sick and when I'm sick, I tend to slow down and sleep a lot. I haven't learned how to sleep-type yet, so my posts will be a little less frequent until I feel better. In the meantime, between my coughing fits and sneezing attacks, I had a few ideas...

• I wonder if the factories making all those wind turbines uses electricity generated by coal. That would be mildly ironic.
• Rather than taking a romantic walk, I prefer a romantic jog. You're still with that special someone, but you get a workout at the same time.
• I bet when David Suzuki has an idea, a florescent lightbulb goes off over his head.
• The greatest thing before sliced bread was the bread slicer.
• I swear I've met this Mr. D. J. Vu before.
• The guy who invented body surfing was simply a surfer who tripped.
• I can't think straight. I think to the left.
• Wii-ing: To play one's Nintendo Wii. Example: "Sorry, I can't go out and socialize this weekend. I'm Wii-ing."
• Someday I hope to stop thinking in bullet points.

To be published on a T-shirt one day

Dayquil + Nyquil = Overquil

People are strange

This is how people react after reading one of my blog posts.

P.S. That's my dog, Abby.

Thoughts du jour

Wow! Quite a lot of snow fell the other day. Still digging out of that mess. The snow plow helped in that regard by creating a 3-foot high pile of snow at the foot of my driveway. I enjoy downhill skiing, but this is ridiculous...

• Seize the day. Shake vigorously.
• Hell is an impressive place. It's cold. It's hot. Bats come out of it. Sounds like there's all kinds of action there.
• I tried to dance like no one's watching. That wasn't good advice for the three people I injured.
• I never take candy from strangers. I always introduce myself first.
• Take my hand. Take my word. Guess which of those two sentences doesn't make sense.
• Anytime someone says "What have you got to lose?" -- Chances are, there's a lot.
• Cats originally only had 3 lives. It's gone up due to inflation.

Hump Day's Random Thoughts

I get asked sometimes if I have too much time on my hands to come up with these. I tell them "No, but I do have time on my wrist." Then they leave me alone and don't ask again.

• When I make a mental note, I always use a mental pencil so it's easier to mentally erase.
• I'm still trying to sort out the difference between partly sunny and party cloudy.
• I think the Maple Leafs should go back on strike. Their record was better.
• Being politically correct is usually neither political, nor correct.
• I only go to Walk-in-and-out Clinics so I can be sure I can leave afterwards.
• The Twilight Zone is that empty space between the End Zone and where the fans sit.
• Favourite sexual act of a giraffe: Necking
• Whenever I hear a weatherman say "There's 20 cm of snow on the ground," I remember that there's 40,000 tons of snow in the clouds that is not on the ground. Then I feel better.
• When I'm going insane, I take a car. It's quicker.
• I've tried to take a bath, but the guard usually stops me.

Monday's Thoughts

• I love how at the end of shows, they remind you the show was "Taped before a live studio audience." I guess showers on lower budgets tape before a dead audience.
• What do you call a babbling brook that's very quiet? I guess it's just a brook.
• On the other hand, one hand doesn't know what the other is doing. (Read this one over a few times and then stop before you get a headache).
• If you squeeze a mostly empty shampoo bottle it sounds like the bottle is having an orgasm.
• I hate zombies. They always seem to be moaning about something.
• Guys who make rollercoasters are so moody. They always have their ups and downs. Sorry, I'm allowed at least one of these a day.
• Why even bother making regular-sized condoms? No man is ever going to buy them. All condoms should have some variation of large, jumbo, super, or ultra on the package.
• If you see anyone "dripping with sarcasm", make sure you don't touch them and renew your vacinations.

Wow! What a deal!!

This was in a flyer in my newspaper today.

"Up to $0.00?!" So not only do I save no money, what happens if I'm saving less than $0? Do I owe more? Normally $4.99, but for today only, it's $5.99!

I'll try not to spend it all in one place

What You Don't Know Can't Hurt You

Knowledge is an interesting thing. Knowing a lot can mean people respect you. Knowing a little can mean people avoid you or take pity on you. The way I see it, in terms of knowledge, there are 4 kinds of people in the world:

1) Those who know they know. Sometimes we call them arrogant. Sometimes we call them a leader.

2) Those who know they don't know. Sometimes we call them dumb. Sometimes we call them wise.

3) Those who don't know they know. Sometimes we take pity on them. Sometimes we call them humble.

4) Those who don't know they don't know. Sometimes we call them arrogant. Sometimes we call them a leader. Sometimes we call them dumb. Sometimes we take pity on them. Sometimes we call them humble. This is the most dangerous kind of person.