Thursday, February 16, 2017

What Happens in Vegas...Gets Blogged

I just returned from a trip to Las Vegas.  It was my first time ever visiting Vegas, so I have some observations and thoughts around my entire trip.  I'll get right to the point.  No one likes a talker; someone who rambles forever.  And ever.

Don't you hate that?

I do.


The flight to Vegas
Wouldn't it be awesome if the pilots and staff got everyone in the mood for Vegas?  You should be able to make bets on various events occurring!

  • 2:1 odds the pilot will do a rolling take-off
  • An over/under on the altitude.  "Awwww, damn!  He only climbed to 38,000 feet and I had it at 38,500!"
  • 10:1 odds someone gets caught smoking
  • 100:1 odds someone is joining the mile-high club on your plane
  • Even odds that Trump writes at least one executive order during the flight

  • My overall impression of Vegas:  Niagara Falls, but drier.
  • I stayed at the Luxor Hotel.  As a Jew, I found that a bit odd and uncomfortable.
  • To save a bit of time, I just gave random pit boss's my money.  I don't even bother doing the gambling part.  Saved me a lot of time.
  • The cup sizes for soft drinks at the buffet was ridiculous!  They had small, medium, and olympic-sized pool.

The flight back home

I had a layover in Chicago.  Once the plane landed and got to the gate, we all made that mad rush to stand up and grab our bags from the overhead bin to leave.  However, the stewardess asked everyone to return to their seats.  Immediately I knew something was up.

Everyone sat down and three massive cops came on board the plane -- you know, the kind that can't even walk down the aisles without having to turn sideways.  

It was funny to watch everyone's reactions.  You could immediately tell who all the guilty people were on the plane.  There were so many people with looks of panic on their faces!

"OMG, how'd they know about the weed in my purse?!"
"Shit, the stewardess caught me watching that pirated movie!"
"Seriously?  I'm going to get busted for not putting my phone in airplane mode?"

The cops surrounded a guy -- as best as one can be surrounded on a plane -- and escorted him off.  Can you imagine being the guy seated next to him?  You see these cops walking right towards you and you have every single petty crime you've committed running through your head.  

As it turns out, the guy had been caught smoking in the washroom twice during the flight -- a big no-no.  As I left the plane, the guy was surrounded by a total of 6 burly cops.  I think that was pretty much the entire compliment of cops in the entire airport.  Chaos ensued while this guy was busted for smoking.


Hey, here's an idea:  Wouldn't it be handy to know your bags were lost *before* you get to the carousel and wait for an hour as you watch the crowd slowly dwindle away?  Don't you feel like a loser when that second-to-last person grabs their bags and looks at you with that knowing smile: "You suck."

Look, the baggage handler scans each bag.  They *know* which bags made it on the plane.  In fact, they'll remove the bags from the plane if the bags are on but the passenger didn't check in.

So if John Smith boards the plane, but there is no scan for John Smith's bags, can't some computer compare the lists and alert John Smith either on the plane or right after?  It would be angering to get off the plane and be told your bags didn't make it, but at least you can begin to make plans immediately.  

Instead of spending an hour by the carousel, you can spend an hour clearing customs and filling out those forms they ask you to fill out.

"Well, it was luggage.  It had clothes in it.  It is rectangular in shape.  And I'd like to have it back, please.  I gave it to you, so I kind of figured I'd get it back later.  Kthanx."

"Don't worry, sir.  I'm sure we'll have your luggage found and delivered to you by tomorrow."

"Wanna bet?"