Saturday, June 25, 2011

Summer Randomness

Hey!  You never read my last post!  I can tell!  You're blushing.  Oh, no, wait, that's a little sunburn.  You need to remember to put on lotion daily.  Geez.

So where was I.  Oh yes, talking to myself.  In any case, it's nice summer is finally here.  This year I decided to plant useful plants in the backyard.  What are useful plants?  These are plants that actually do something, like an apple tree or a venus fly trap.  I've never understood the excitement around having plants just for the sake of having them -- at least up here in Canada.

People get all excited, spend a ton of money buying and then planting flowers in these intricate designs that can only be deciphered from passing jumbo jets at 30,000 feet.  Then...they die.  Winter rolls around and they're dead.  The following year, they're back at it again.  I figured if I'm going to plant something and work my ass at keeping the things alive, they should be willing to pay me back in the form of food. 

Therefore, I planted a strawberries and tomatoes for the very first time.  I must say I'm rather proud of myself simply because the plants are still alive and not angry with me.  The tomato plant is growing like it's a weed to the point where I thought I had embarrassingly purchased weeds instead of a tomato plant.

The strawberry plant is producing strawberries, though not many.  They seem to keep disappearing as if an animal is eating them.  If that's the case, I'm sort of hoping the animal eating them is a turkey because then I can eat the turkey and have some sweet turkey meat.

You know what would be handy?  A salad plant.
  • Where there's a will, there's five relatives and their lawyers.
  • I lost my voice yesterday.  I swear I left it on the counter and a minute later it was gone.  Maybe it's out playing in the bushes.
  • It's always 24/7.  Why is that?  You never hear someone say:  "I feel this way 12/3.5"
  • I finally have a new lease on life!  It's a 4 year lease with a decent buy-back.
  • When I fold my arms, I fold them into a swan. 
  • It's important during the summer that I remain pale.  My technique is to establish a base whiteness first.  Then it's easier to get pale over-top that.
  • I would like to see a skydiver free-falling while jumping on a trampoline beneath them. 
  • During active labour, I think it would be neat to play the theme to Jeopardy in-between contractions
  • I don't want to be warm and fuzzy.  The last thing I saw that was warm and fuzzy was the mold on my bread.
  • I dry my socks by putting my socks on the blades of my ceiling fan. I keep forgetting to turn off the fan when I try to take them down.
  • I gave my pet bird a Twitter account.  It just seemed like the right thing to do.
  • Screw 3 dimensions.  Always go for the 4th, 5th, or 6th dimension.  Better views of the city.


Jupiter_Jazz said...

Funny stuff, as always Jeff!

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