Tuesday, May 31, 2011

May or May Not Randomness

Here we are at the end of May and finally spring rolled in -- in the form of summer.  It's feeling like 40C (100F) here today with another few days of heat.  I like it.  I'm all for it.  For those of you who enjoy the cold, I only ask one thing:  What drug are you on?  And don't give me some b.s. about how wonderful skiing is or how pretty the trees look.  Any type of weather that causes snot to freeze on my face is not a good thing, people! 

...besides, cold weather means women aren't wearing bikinis.  Nothing sexy about a snow suit no matter how you slice it.

  • Ever try throwing a single piece of macaroni like a boomerang?  Does it come back when thrown?  I use them to knock out fleeing potato bugs.
  • I've never started a stopwatch.  I feel like I'm somehow going against its purpose.
  • Is this a rhetorical question?
  • It has been determined that the famous video of bigfoot was really just a large, naked Italian man out for a stroll in the woods
  • What do you think the Beach Boys song "Good Vibrations" was really about?  Read the lyrics again.
  • A lot of people = a ton of people.  How did we weigh them all?  Does this mean few people = 1/2 a ton of people?
  • Given how often magicians seem to enjoy being tied up, restrained and handcuffed, you'd think they also run some sort of Fetish Club.
  • Mean cows also go cow-tipping.
  • Where is this last resort I keep hearing about?  Is it in the Caribbean?  What if they build one more?  Then it will be the next-to-last resort.
  • Zookeepers keep zoos.  Zookeepers must learn to share.  They should be called zoosharers.
  • I have yet to find a goose that is silly or loose...or both.  How did acting like a clown and being a whore become associated with geese in the first place?
  • Histrionics:  The history of phonetics.
  • News reports are that using your cell phone can cause brain cancer.  I'm not too concerned as I'll likely be run over by a truck while using my cell phone long before brain cancer sets in.
  • Dear Mr. Zuckerberg:  You're rich.  That does not make you wise.  Please keep your philosophies and advice to yourself. Both me and most animals thank you.

He Said, She Said
What he says:  I'll pick you up at 8.
What she thinks:  We'll leave at 9.

What she says:  We just hung out, watched a movie and stuff.
What she means:  Five minutes into the movie, we were naked on the couch fucking.  I have no idea what the movie was even about.

What he says:  You know I love you.
What he means:  I have said something or I am just about to say something you will hate me for.

What she says:  That was amazing!
What he hears:  She's putty in my hands.
What she means:  I can't believe I kept a straight face when he took off his pants.

1 comment:

breakmydreams said...

lmfao... great blog post once again Jeff :)