Tuesday, May 31, 2011

May or May Not Randomness

Here we are at the end of May and finally spring rolled in -- in the form of summer.  It's feeling like 40C (100F) here today with another few days of heat.  I like it.  I'm all for it.  For those of you who enjoy the cold, I only ask one thing:  What drug are you on?  And don't give me some b.s. about how wonderful skiing is or how pretty the trees look.  Any type of weather that causes snot to freeze on my face is not a good thing, people! 

...besides, cold weather means women aren't wearing bikinis.  Nothing sexy about a snow suit no matter how you slice it.

  • Ever try throwing a single piece of macaroni like a boomerang?  Does it come back when thrown?  I use them to knock out fleeing potato bugs.
  • I've never started a stopwatch.  I feel like I'm somehow going against its purpose.
  • Is this a rhetorical question?
  • It has been determined that the famous video of bigfoot was really just a large, naked Italian man out for a stroll in the woods
  • What do you think the Beach Boys song "Good Vibrations" was really about?  Read the lyrics again.
  • A lot of people = a ton of people.  How did we weigh them all?  Does this mean few people = 1/2 a ton of people?
  • Given how often magicians seem to enjoy being tied up, restrained and handcuffed, you'd think they also run some sort of Fetish Club.
  • Mean cows also go cow-tipping.
  • Where is this last resort I keep hearing about?  Is it in the Caribbean?  What if they build one more?  Then it will be the next-to-last resort.
  • Zookeepers keep zoos.  Zookeepers must learn to share.  They should be called zoosharers.
  • I have yet to find a goose that is silly or loose...or both.  How did acting like a clown and being a whore become associated with geese in the first place?
  • Histrionics:  The history of phonetics.
  • News reports are that using your cell phone can cause brain cancer.  I'm not too concerned as I'll likely be run over by a truck while using my cell phone long before brain cancer sets in.
  • Dear Mr. Zuckerberg:  You're rich.  That does not make you wise.  Please keep your philosophies and advice to yourself. Both me and most animals thank you.

He Said, She Said
What he says:  I'll pick you up at 8.
What she thinks:  We'll leave at 9.

What she says:  We just hung out, watched a movie and stuff.
What she means:  Five minutes into the movie, we were naked on the couch fucking.  I have no idea what the movie was even about.

What he says:  You know I love you.
What he means:  I have said something or I am just about to say something you will hate me for.

What she says:  That was amazing!
What he hears:  She's putty in my hands.
What she means:  I can't believe I kept a straight face when he took off his pants.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

May Randomness

Editor's Note:  Please see the post below for a more serious update

Well it's been a rough month or so (see note above to direct you to blog below which will then bring you back here where you can then continue -- I'm just cool like that).  In turn, I've taken some time off from random thoughts and thinking in general.  This is my first post since the accident so be nice.  Odd that my brain so easily shuts off like that.  You'd think I'm a man or something...

  • It's odd that pain killers don't hurt given that something is being killed.  It certainly sounds painful.
  • The way gas prices are rising, soon it'll be cheaper to just buy a new car fully gassed up and just throw out your old car.
  • Is it weird that call centre job interviews are done in person instead of over the phone?
  • Why is it that people are deathly afraid of spiders, but not octopii?  You never hear anyone complaining about being scared of them.  Aren't they just bigger versions of spiders living in the water?  That'd creep my out way more.
  • If one goes off on a tangent, what were the on in the first place?
  • Be true to yourself.  Be false to others.
  • I bought 2-D glasses.  Now everything is skinny and flat.
  • Dear Mr. Trump:  Shut up.
  • Dear Mr. Schwarzenegger:  Not every body part deserves a workout.  And when it does, stop using a spotter.
  • Dear Ms. Lohan:  Please tell me this is all just "research" for a new role where you play a stupid defendant that keeps fucking up her life doing stupid things.
  • Dear Mr. bin Laden:  I've got a package for you.  Air mail.  Mind if I drop in?
He said, she said

She says: We're just friends.
What he hears: I'll never fuck you.

She says publicly: We're just friends.
What he hears: No one in this group will have sex with me.

He says: Let's go out for dinner
What he's thinking: Afterwards, hopefully I'll get laid
What she's thinking: *Sigh*, he wants to get laid

She says: I'm hungry
What he's thinking: So make yourself something to eat!
What she's thinking: The bastard better take me out for dinner

She says: We need to talk
What she means:  You need to listen
He says: We need to talk
What he means:  I need to go out drinking tonight, and I want to bribe you with something first.

She says: Let's go for a walk
What he hears: I want to isolate you from any and all possible distractions so we can talk

She says: Let's get a dog!
What she means: I need you out of the house at least 1 hour each day so I won't go insane

Random Update -- Car accident

Editor's note:  This will be a serious blog post.  See the post above (the more recent post) for a lighter, funnier blog post.

Second editor's note:  I have an editor?!

It's been awhile since I posted an update.  But this time, I have an excuse!  (Normally, I don't, other than sheer laziness or someone's borrowing my brain for a week.) 

On April 6th, 2011, I was in a car accident on a local highway.  Essentially, an F-150 pickup truck rear-ended me (actually, rear-ended my car), and both me and the car suffered damage.  In total, there was about $6700-worth of damage to the car and a moderate whiplash for me, which translated into back pain, neck pain, and some cognitive issues.

It's not well known that whiplash can cause a variety of cognitive issues such as forgetfulness, irritability, depression, confusion, malaise (wtf is malaise?  sounds like some sort of cheese spread!), sleep issues, headaches, and forgetfulness.  My doctor explained this to me, and ironically I found her explanation to be irritating.  Unfortunately, other than sleeping issues (I already acquired some of those beforehand in anticipation), I did and continue to suffer from some of the cognitive issues bestowed upon me in the crash.

I found it somewhat ironic that within 24 hours my insurance company had taken care of my truck -- arranged for a repair shop to fix it; approved all bills with nothing out-of-pocket for me; determined I was not at fault; and arranged for a rental car.

Six weeks after the accident I received a notice in the mail that coverage for my whiplash and physical issues have been approved.  :|  Well geez, thanks for the timely response there.  At least I have my car back to drive to the doctor! 

Describing what's happened to me physically is easy:  lower back pain, upper back and shoulder pain, neck stiffness and range-of-motion issues.  Describing what's happened to me mentally is more difficult.  When I'm in a very stressful situation (i.e. flying -- see my blog posts about it as they're quite amusing), I raise up this inner wall inside my head.  On the outside of this wall, I'm functioning and doing whatever I need to do, but without the emotions or stress because nothing reaches the other side of the wall.  On the inside, my inner-voice and thoughts continue uninhibited or disturbed by the outside stress.  Once the stress is over, the wall goes down and I'm fine as nothing got in or out.

After the car accident, that wall went up -- without me controlling it.  Imagine this wall being up where things aren't getting in (i.e. new things that I cannot remember later), nor are things getting out (trying to remember something from the previous day...or random thoughts for my blog).  It was a very frustrating time as sometimes this wall would lower itself a bit or shoot up and block things entirely.  I was aware the wall was there.  I was aware that I was forgetting things I should know or remember.  I was aware that I was confused about something I had no business in being confused, yet there was nothing I could do about it.

After 6 weeks, I'm mostly better now.  There's still some back pain, and I'm still easily confused (though that was the case before the accident anyways), but for the most part, my wall is back down, though I cannot claim to have control over it yet.  This is good news as I'm happier, nicer, not depressed, and it means I can write lengthy, serious blog posts that are somewhat boring to read.

But this is also an opportunity to thank my friends and family for their support over the past 6 weeks.  I've been a "challenge" to them, to put things diplomatically, and they've put up with me, supported me, encouraged me, and occasionally told me to fuck off -- all of which is much appreciated. 

So a thank you to all those who helped.  You know who you are.  Raise your hand if you think it was you.  Yup, that's about right, though not you, sir.  Who the hell are you? 

I think it's time to return to some random thoughts...in my next post. 

P.S.  Yes, I know on the third paragraph I put 'forgetfulness' twice.  It was meant as a joke, so please do not call my neurologist.