Friday, March 11, 2011

Birthday Randomness

This Sunday it's my birthday.  Therefore this weekend will be my birthday weekend full of parties, well-wishers, drunken well-wishers, presents, and a myriad of other events to make my life miserable. 

Miserable?  Yes, miserable (I like answering my own questions -- I always get them right).  I'm turning 40 and that's part of the reason why.  I suppose turning 40 isn't all that bad (shush you, in the back who's laughing!), but I still recall my father's 40th birthday party.  I remember it well and I remember all the "you're getting old" birthday cards and jokes.  It left an impression on me that 40 = old.  My father called the other day:  "So you're turning 40, eh?  Man, that's old!"  That didn't help.

I used to be a shy person, but no longer.  Usually.  I tend to think of myself as an outgoing person, but I get really shy around my birthday.  How come?  (Hmmm, hopefully I know the answer to this one.)  I love being in the spotlight.  Dammit, I'm quirky enough that people tend to stare anyways.  Oh wait, no, they're staring at my nose.  

I like to be in the spotlight upon my own doing.  Hey, look at me, I'm blogging!  Hey look at me, I'm dancing!  Hey look at me, I'm drunk and stumbling onto the street in front of that cop on horseback that now wants to question me for....Ok, wait nevermind that last one. 

But a birthday is different.  I have no control there.  There's no not being in the mood.  Jeff, it's your birthday!  *Spotlight on me as I'm sitting on the toilet, reading the newspaper*.  Uh, oh, hi everyone.  I guess it's my birthday and oh, here's cake.  Can I get off the toilet first?  That'd be great, thanks.

On to some further thoughts...
  • You know you're getting older when there are only two candles on your cake -- one representing each number.
  • The Thesaurus was a dinosaur from the Jurassic period that wore glasses and was picked on by other dinosaurs for being a nerd.
  • Slogan for a sex show:  "The Sex Show:  You Should Cum"
  • I find it weird that most animals have sex doggie-style.  Why isn't it called Animal-Style?  Did dogs truly invent this approach?  Do other animals have to pay dogs a royalty each time they have sex?
  • Never accept an elephant's offer of a blowjob.
  • Mutual funds tend to become friends with other mutual funds through mutual mutual fund friends.
  • My bathroom is ultra-Italian in design.  My towel rack runs vertically.  Shower head?  On the floor of the stall.
  • Potato chips can never rest.  For them, it's always crunch time.
  • Screw the tallest building in the world.  I want to build the lowest building in the world.  That's way more of a challenge.
  • I hate those toilets that have the automatic flush sensors instead of a handle.  You walk into the stall *flush*.  Start to get seated *flush*.  Adjust how you're sitting *flush*.  And finally you stand back up *flush*.  In the meantime, everyone outside of the stall is thinking "Damn!  How much shit has that guy got in him?!"

1 comment:

Jupiter_Jazz said...

Big smile...

I didn't understand the bit about the Italian bathroom though :|

Automatic toilets truly are terrible.