Friday, January 21, 2011

...and in the news...ANIMALS!

These are real headlines taken today from the Toronto Star and CNN.  Seriously.  For real.

  • Angelfish can count to three: study  Apparently scientists have run out of things to study.  So does this mean dumb angelfish can only count to 1 and smart angelfish might be able to count as high as 5?  Look, I know scientists like to sometimes puff on the weed from time to time, but that doesn't mean you actually have to follow up on those crazy thoughts of yours.

  • Sharks may be colour-blind: Study Well geez!  Since I hired a great white to be my interior decorator, I guess I'll have to go fire him now!  Who cares they can't tell their greens from their blues?  "I was about to be attacked by this massive hammerhead, but then he saw I was wearing this beautiful shade of turquoise and he just stopped to admire it."

  • Cellphone rings in croc's stomach  I'd be more interested if someone actually answered the cellphone.  That'd be kinda creepy and cool at the same time.

  • Playboy app coming to the iPad  This one's actually making news and I'm not sure why.  The iPad could already display pictures.  If it can display pictures, every man who owns one has at least one picture of a naked woman on it.  If you could get a Playboy app to plug into my brain -- now that'd be fun!

  • Are fish popping Prozac present in the water?   The simple answer is: yes.  Have you not noticed how happy fish seem to be these days?  Even when they're caught, they're just happy, giggly, laughing little dudes as they flop around in the bucket.  They have to be careful of overdosing, though.  I hope they use angelfish to count the pills.

  • Breakfast-sandwich ad turns bus shelter into toaster oven  And every 2 minutes, any pedestrian standing inside the shelter was abruptly popped out into the street and promptly run over by the Route 99 Express bus.

  • Ivanka Trump: I'm pregnant!   That's exciting news!  I'm sure, when it's time, she'll drive in the Trumpmobile to Trump Hospital to give birth in the Trump Wing.

  • Will the Earth Have Two Suns by 2012?  If it does, I don't want to hear any more complaints about wearing dark clothing at night.  Study:  Angelfish will be able to count the number of suns. 

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