Friday, November 19, 2010

Post-Halloween Scaaaaaaaaaaaary Random Thoughts

Halloween was a blast.  I'm still coming down from my sugar high.  I implemented a "one for them, ten for me" policy and it worked like a charm. Well, as autumn comes to a close and I get whipped in the face with leaves and rain, I offer you these thoughts:
  • When eating broccoli, have you ever pretended to be like a dinosaur or a giant eating a puny, little tree?  Yeah, me too. 
  • I need to stop procrastinating!  I'm going to start working on that.  Right after I play this video game.
  • Gay snakes hith.
  • It's ironic when someone says they're running late.  Odds are, if they were running, they wouldn't have been late.  You're walking!  Pick up the pace!
  • The square was all alone.  He never quite knew how to fit in with his circle of friends
  • I've named my dog Peeve.
  • Curiosity killed the cat.  Luckily, the cat had 9 lives, so the cat is still alive and was able to testify in court.  Curiosity is serving 25 to life.  How's that for a movie of the week?
  • Difference between men and women:  men want to be John Travolta in Grease but without the cheesy singing. Women want to be Olivia Newton-John with the singing, the dancing and all the backup singers as their real friends.
  • Notice that they stopped those secretive "How do they get the caramel into the caramilk bars?". I guess someone figured it out. Or that they realized no one gave a shit. 
  • People on buses and subways: you know when your stop is coming up. Stop waiting until the last possible micro-second before the doors are about to close and then abruptly stand up acting all surprised like "How the fuck did we get here?!" and then try to bowl over every man, woman, and their dog as you try and do the 100 metre dash in a 15 metre bus glaring at the other patrons like it's their fault.  Stop trying to act cool and saunter off the bus like Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry after offing someone and just get your butt to the door BEFORE the vehicle comes to a stop.
  • I tried to jog my memory the other day, but my memory isn't into exercise. 
  • To the people who seem to identify themselves solely by the music you listen to:  it's time to pick up a book. It's time to open the door and take a walk in the park. It's time to realize you're not the living personification of an Eminem song. Welcome to the Jungle, dude. 
  • What's too fast for snail sex?  "Fred's a nice guy but horrible in bed.  Just as we get going -- bam! -- 2 hours later and he's done." 
  • Let me make this clear; this will not be transparent.
  • How do they test Raid?  Do they send a guy into a room full of wasps with the can and hope for the best?  "Nope.  Bob, you have to tweak that formula a bit more.  Oh, and call HR as we're hiring again."

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