Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Left-over Randomness

I finished up "Up and Down" the other day and I had a few left-over thoughts.  After much debate amongst me and my other personalities, we've decided to share them.
  • Yesterday when I was writing, my creative juices got flowing and I forgot to put on a creative condom.  I think I got another blog pregnant.
  • Smile.  It makes people wonder what you're thinking.  Or perhaps rather than smiling, just open your damn mouth and tell them.  Much easier that way.
  • I don't question reality, I interrogate it.  Tie it up, throw it out of a moving car -- that sort of thing.   
  • What are exclamation points pointing to?
  • Sweepstakes neither contain sweeping, nor stakes.  Just sayin'...
  • I take enough acid trips to get frequent flier mileage
  • To me being classy means you say "Excuse me" after you fart loudly in a crowded room
  • Interesting:  They make light beer, but not light rum.  That's too bad.  It'd be perfect to put in your diet coke.
  • Your best not to bet.
  • Anyone find it ironic that you go see an eye doctor?
  • Finally, after a stressful few months, the clock started to unwind
  • Don't ever look up to someone who looks down on you
  • Hey!  That cloud is shaped like Elvis!  I guess he's not dead after all.
  • When flocks of geese hook up, they fly in w's across the sky

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Up and Down

It's amazing how a single word can change the entire meaning of a phrase or sentence.  English is one of the weirdest languages, hands down.  All those who agree, hands up!

Up and down.  Down and up.  How does that work? 

But hey, while you're raising your hand, lay back, feet up and enjoy -- live it up!  But not too much.  If you do something stupid, you'll never live it down.  And if you do it again, I will put my foot down and put a stop to it.

Up and down.  Down and up.  How does that work? 

If you're laying down, there's no way you can do a layup.  So, I want you to sit up, get up and get down to the music and then you can sit down once again.  Just remember to sit up -- don't slouch.

It's time to head out.  The big showdown is tonight and I have to show up.  It's a stand-up comedian looking to stand down after many years in the business.  It'll be a stare down with the crowd.

Up and down.  Down and up.  How does that work?

Shut up!  Say that one more time and I'll shut down.

I'm outta here.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Who let the dogs out?

I don't know what possessed me but I actually have tickets to go see the Cesar Millan Show when it hits Toronto in October.

For those of you who aren't familiar, Cesar Millan, aka The Dog Whispererererer, goes around training supposedly untrainable dogs in 10 minutes.

It got me thinking, what exactly will his "concert" be like. Hmmmm....

Top 10 things you won't see at the Cesar Millan Live Show

10. Weezer as the opening act

9. 15 minutes after the show is supposed to begin, still waiting for him to come out: "Ce-sar! Ce-sar! Ce-sar!"

8. The guy next to you getting kicked out for smoking a joint

7. "Those were the best pyro-technics I've ever seen!"

6. Cesar starting the encore screaming "One! More! Dog!"

5. Special guest duet with Elton John. Ok, actually I can see that one happening

4. Two words: Backup dancers

3. Body slamming in the mosh pit

2. A mosh pit

1. Cesar coming out of the closet.