- Just invented: an office work-station where the walls are made up of 6 random colours that people will try to re-arrange into pretty designs. It's called the Rubik's Cubicle.
- I like when it rains cats and dogs because it gives me a chance to see which bounces higher when it hits the ground.
- One day, 30 years from now, the President of the United States will email the Russian Premier and it will include the phrases: "Wtf", "Lol", include winky faces and conclude with "I'll ttyl". Does that scare anyone else?
- I can't draw so I became an amateur photographer to take pictures of the pre-drawn.
- The JetBlue flight attendant that got so fed up over his job and passengers that he cursed over the intercom and then deployed the emergency chute and left the plane was actually arrested in the airport, not at his home. He tried to go home, but he got stuck waiting 30 minutes for his luggage to come out.
- I don't get YouTube. People bitch about how their tv has 200 channels of crap and there's nothing to watch. So you flock to youtube that has 2 million channels of crap?
- There's something about real life that seems so fake.
- What we need is an umbrella that will totally protect you from the rain, even if it's really windy and the rain is blowing sideways. Oh wait, that's called a raincoat.
- Some people never change...like dead people. They rarely change.
- Are fish ever thirsty?
- Does anyone say dangnapit anymore? Did anyone say it in the first place?
- Whenever I get sick I put benedryl in my humidifier
- Washcloth: now there's a name that's literal. Wouldn't it be neat if toilet paper was called Ass Wipes? Butthole cleaner?
- Modern camels store their food in refrigerated humps
- What do roses give each other for Valentines Day?
- Is it me or does it seem like square pizzas are just wrong?
- A wedge is a 3-D version of a slice.
- Why is it when someone brings a dog onto public transit people stare at the thing like they've been violated? Like how dare that person bring that filthy thing on here?! At least the dog isn't leaving a newspaper, half a sandwich and potato chip crumbs all over their seat.
- I don't believe in making out in public. Groping, on the other hand...
- Anyone else find it weird that waterparks are called "Wet N Wild?"
- Stop with these rationalizations people make about their height or weight. Its useless, counter-productive, politically correct bullshit and I can't stand it. You are what you are and stop changing it into something you're not.
"I'm not short, I'm fun-sized." No. You're short. That's why you need a stool to reach things on the top shelf. If you're fun you won't use a stool, you'll use a rope.
"There's just more of me to love." Well then get your ample, lovable ass off the couch and go for a walk, ok? If you have to catch your breath after taking the escalator, there's too much of you to love.
"Good things come in small packages." Yeah right. And you're the one that cracks 'small dick' jokes so let's find another way to boost your self-esteem ok?
"I'm just big boned." No, a T-Rex is big boned. You just scarfed 5 pieces of pizza. I'm think that might be the cause of your bones being big.