Labour Day Randomness

Granted, it's not Labour Day yet, but I'll post it early.  To all pregnant women out there who are about to have babies, I dedicate this Labour Day to you...

• I'm not trying to get into her pants.  I'm trying to get into her underwear.  Way more exciting.
• What the hell are All Dressed chips?  It's dressed with...all?  All what?  Can we be a bit more specific?
• I was on a mood swing yesterday.  Today I'm on a mood slide and tomorrow I'll play on the mood monkey bars.
• I'd like to make a hat totally out of my hair.  That way I could wear it and no one would notice.
• When elephants need to dry their clothes, they hang them on their tusks -- better for the environment.
• Organizing my thoughts is like organizing my sock drawer.  Some are strewn all over the floor and half are missing entirely.
• What's with calling people 'muffin'?  If I wanted to be referred to as a fatty snack, at least go all out and call me 'doughnut'.
• Can we finally cook the beans?  How much longer do they have to stay cool?
• Want to have fun?  Knock on a stranger's door and when they ask "Who is it?" do an actual knock-knock joke.
• If I was trapped on a desert island, the one thing I'd want to have with me?  A phone so I can call someone to get me the fuck out of there.  What's with wanting CDs or food or movies.  Geez, let me just make my call and someone will pick me up.
• I used to be a night owl until I realized being a night bat was way cooler.
• Two scary things:  1)  Q-tips have instructions; 2)  People who read those instructions
• Annoying:  After your baby is born, the doctor makes the baby cry.  But then it's up to you to make the baby stop crying.

P.S.  A friend of mine is on Twitter.  Take a look and follow her and her own random thoughts! 

http://www.twitter.com/Rapacchietta