Thursday, February 4, 2010

Random Thoughts -- Olympic Edition

    You know, I was watching ski jumping the other day and I noticed each jumper is ranked by points -- distance combined with "style". You know what? Here's a guy hurling down a 45 degree hill at 100 km/h. As far as I'm concerned, his "style" should be surviving. Can't they just rank them based on distance. This dude jumped 85 meters. This other dude jumped 84.5 metres. Take a guess who should win in my books? I don't care if the guy landed with pointed toes or his hands up in the air. Do long jumpers get points for style? Nope! They can land face first and no one cares. If anything I think any ski jumper should get bonus points just for surviving. "And Tomas Thomas jumped 76.23 metres. The judges noted he only pissed his pants, he'll get a bonus 10 metres as well."

  • Now they sell furnace filters that have UV lights -- I guess this is for germs that want a tan?

  • Hypnotists must take Finger-snapping 101

  • True story: Came across a "Hermit Crabs for Dummies" book. Shoot me now.

  • Scandal at the Olympics: Three snowboarders were drug-tested and the tests came back negative. No drugs in them at all. They were immediately disqualified.

  • Why is it that when you order a panzerotto you can order toppings? Shouldn't it be called fillings?

  • What's the big deal about being extraordinary? I can be ordinary or extra-ordinary? I'll take the regular ordinary, thanks.
  • It's easy to figure out who spies are. They're the people walking around whispering "I spy with my little eye..."

  • You know that little mirror dentists use? Yeah, they're just looking at themselves in the little mirror. Why do you think they're always smiling?
  • I learned today at the zoo that elephants can produce up to 400 lbs of shit per day. I also learned today that I never want to intern at the zoo.
  • Any game that you can play more than once during a day should not be considered a sport. I'm sorry, but if I see an athlete participate in heat #2 in the morning, the semi-finals in the afternoon and win the gold medal in the evening, that's not a sport he or she is participating in, it's a recreational activity.

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