Monday, October 19, 2009

More thoughts

As we're in the midst of autumn, I get to enjoy watching the leaves change colour, fall to the ground and die, leaving me having to spend countless hours sweeping and cleaning and bagging the leaves. Man, I love autumn!

  • I was hunting for the meaning of life when I finally found it! It was right there in the dictionary under "L"
  • You know you're stressed when your antacid gives you heartburn
  • Call me paranoid, but don't you get the impression that all those chinese restaurants with the signs in chinese say things like: "Don't come in here. We serve crap. This is for tourists and white people."
  • What's the idea behind a secret admirer? They're secret. You have no idea who they are. How do you know you have one then? Hell, I've got a good two dozen secret admirers out there. Yup. Yes I do.
  • I used to dance to Milli Vanilli and Vanilla Ice. Yes, shoot me now. Put me out of my misery.
  • I've been to a Neil Diamond concert. Hey, I told you to shoot me.
  • You can't be a real doctor unless you've said to at least one patient: "No more monkeys jumping on the bed."
  • I went job hunting once. Stood in a tree for hours. Camouflage vest, rifle -- the whole thing. Didn't spot one single job.
  • So now there's this "Balloon Boy" incident where a man claimed his 6 year old was in this hot-air balloon, yet when it landed he wasn't there and instead was found at home. Geez, doesn't David Copperfield do that as a part of his act daily?
  • Who decided that relish belongs in a squeeze bottle? Hey, what a good idea! Let's take something that's full of chunks and put it in a bottle you have to squeeze to get the chunks out! Has anyone NOT made a mess when using a squeeze bottle of relish?

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