Thursday, October 29, 2009

Brief Thoughts

Just a few thoughts to tide you over while I work on other thoughts...

  • A cool invention would be creating lemons that have a tequila-filled centre.
  • Is it me or does every German-speaking man sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger?
  • You know those free newspapers you get in the subway and bus? I picked one up the other day. It's ridiculous. It's like looking at a print version of Twitter. News condensed down to 140 characters or less -- just what we need.
  • I tried catching some Z's, but instead I caught some sideways N's.
  • I love when you see someone winking at someone else in the hopes of picking them up. That's like saying: "Hey, babe. Look at me. I know how to control my eyelids."
  • Why does a room always look like a tornado or hurricane hit it? Why not any other sort of weather event? "Johnny! Look at your room! It looks like light showers with a southwesterly wind and a high of 10C hit it!"
  • I am so out of shape. I'm out of breath half the time. I remember when I used to breath.

Monday, October 19, 2009

More thoughts

As we're in the midst of autumn, I get to enjoy watching the leaves change colour, fall to the ground and die, leaving me having to spend countless hours sweeping and cleaning and bagging the leaves. Man, I love autumn!

  • I was hunting for the meaning of life when I finally found it! It was right there in the dictionary under "L"
  • You know you're stressed when your antacid gives you heartburn
  • Call me paranoid, but don't you get the impression that all those chinese restaurants with the signs in chinese say things like: "Don't come in here. We serve crap. This is for tourists and white people."
  • What's the idea behind a secret admirer? They're secret. You have no idea who they are. How do you know you have one then? Hell, I've got a good two dozen secret admirers out there. Yup. Yes I do.
  • I used to dance to Milli Vanilli and Vanilla Ice. Yes, shoot me now. Put me out of my misery.
  • I've been to a Neil Diamond concert. Hey, I told you to shoot me.
  • You can't be a real doctor unless you've said to at least one patient: "No more monkeys jumping on the bed."
  • I went job hunting once. Stood in a tree for hours. Camouflage vest, rifle -- the whole thing. Didn't spot one single job.
  • So now there's this "Balloon Boy" incident where a man claimed his 6 year old was in this hot-air balloon, yet when it landed he wasn't there and instead was found at home. Geez, doesn't David Copperfield do that as a part of his act daily?
  • Who decided that relish belongs in a squeeze bottle? Hey, what a good idea! Let's take something that's full of chunks and put it in a bottle you have to squeeze to get the chunks out! Has anyone NOT made a mess when using a squeeze bottle of relish?