A few thoughts about real news stories and headlines....
- It was just announced that 85% of Canadian banknotes had traces of cocaine on them. The press release indicated that researchers..."worked night and day to study each note and rarely slept, if ever. They've also asked that people stop staring at them."
- A hacker in the U.S. is being charged with stealing 130 million credit card numbers from various retailers. If found guilty, he can spend up to 20 years in jail and fined up to $500,000. I wonder how he'll pay for the fine. Hmmmm....
- Some researchers recently have suggested that perhaps strep throat killed Mozart: "By looking at the patterns of death during Mozart's time and combining them with the signs and symptoms of his final disease, we have not one but two pillars on which our theory is built." How about pillar 1 is: he's been dead for 200 years and we don't care. And pillar 2 can be: See pillar 1.
- Reader's Digest is filing for bankruptcy. The filing, sent to New York's Supreme Court came in the form of a recipe.
- Osama Bin Laden's driver came forward and spoke to a newspaper for the first time after being released from Guantanamo Bay. His first comment: "He's a nice guy, but a total asshole when it came to tips. I mean the man never gave me a Christmas bonus. What's up with that?"
- Our Prime Minister watched some of our military conduct exercises in the Arctic today. The exercises consisted of men and women in military fatigues shivering furiously muttering under their breath about it being damn cold.