Thursday, July 3, 2008

More in the news...

I'm liking this "In the news" stuff. I can't help it. There's so much to comment on.

  • Republican Presidential nominee, John McCain overhauls team to stop 'unforced errors'. It's nice to know that the possible president of the United States views this as a tennis match. In my mind, he's already tripped on the net as he walked out onto the court.
  • A report came out from researches in Texas saying that eating a large quantity of watermelon can have a similar effect on the body as Viagra. Apparently, there's a chemical in watermelon that relaxes the blood vessels in a similar way as the pill. Researchers held a brief news conference to announce their findings in between orgies.
  • Officials are trying to figure out how to get 15 dolphins trapped in a New Jersey river back out to sea. Apparently ideas range from using really big nets to playing sounds of Orca whales to scare them off. My suggestion is drop a TV into the water and play reruns of Montel Williams. That should scare them off before the first commercial break.
  • A "computer glitch" this morning caused some traffic lights in Toronto to remain stuck on red for a period of 2 hours. Not surprisingly, traffic flow was totally unaffected.
  • A new study released today reported that Canada was "second last" when it came to climate policies and controls. Without missing a beat, Prime Minister Stephen Harper chimed in, "That report is totally unacceptable to us. We must work harder to be first last."
  • A US report indicates 62,000 jobs were lost in June. Luckily, 11,000 of them were recovered when they were found wandering lost in a nearby forest.

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