Sunday, June 22, 2008

Babies...and things

"Another day, another dollar," says the government. The rest of us are saying, "Hmmm, I'm sure I left that dollar around here somewhere..."

Having been to a baby store recently, some further thoughts and observations about it...and other things mixed in:
  • All baby outfits are cute. Take any adult outfit and shrink it and it automatically becomes cute. It could have a picture of a dead body on the front of the shirt with the words "Killer" on the back and it would still look cute. "Awww, the baby thinks he's a mass murderer. How adorable is that?"
  • Apparently you can buy a wipe warmer now. Want to know what that is? It's a product that will warm baby wipes, so when you wipe a baby's butt, the wipe isn't cold -- unlike toiletpaper, the toilet seat and everything else the kid will have to face in a few years. What a load of shit (pun intended). The baby will have to deal with the trauma of cold wipes, and you know what? If I do have to heat a wipe, here's a simple, free way to do it: Place it between your hands for 20 seconds.
  • I bought a Wii Fit yesterday. After doing a couple of exercises, it declared me unbalanced. Apparently this machine can measure both your physical AND mental health.
  • A diner bubble apparently is another name for a high-chair.
  • From when the baby is born until 2 years later, I must learn to say "nipple" and keep a straight face.
  • Eyes are the windows to the soul. And the eyelids are the drapes.
  • Baby toys and products can be named anything -- it's quite amusing. Screw the sophisticated names given to adult products. Example: The Ultra X-500 High-Blast Surround Stereo System . Take the same stereo and dump it into a Toys R Us and it transforms into My First Stereo -- for $50 more.

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