Monday, January 7, 2008

For Sale

I love advertising. I love how they make use of the english language. The other day, I was browsing through a brochure on a new condo development. It's always interesting to note how they describe the features of the units. Some actual, unedited examples:
  • "Distinctive suite entrance with elegant mouldings, hardware, and entrance door." Doesn't that mean you get a door frame with door knobs and a door??
  • "Pot lites." Geez, they don't even use the word "lights" anymore.
  • "Premium chrome pullout kitchen faucet." Premium chrome? Premium? Can you have premium chrome? Isn't that like saying premium cardboard?
  • "Upgraded appliances." Upgraded from what?
  • Everything also seems to be too big for this unit -- "Oversized shower", "Oversized mirror", "Oversized balcony." How does anything fit? Is anything regular-sized anymore?
  • "Custom mirror." That means it's round instead of square.
  • "Entertainment-sized living room" What the hell is "entertainment-sized?" I've never heard of that size before? Can you order popcorn in that size? Can you order a drink from McDonalds in that size? "Yes, I'll get the Big Mac combo, but make that drink entertainment-sized, please."
  • "Designer laminate flooring" What is "designer laminate?" Is it made by Levi's or Guess or something?

Can you believe all that? It's so easy to see through what they're saying.

P.S. I move in next month.

P.P.S. Just kidding. ;)

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